August 29, 2013

empower your husband

This "how to" is written by my husband, Dean. Well, I typed it while he dictated. The topic was his idea, and I agreed that it would make a great post, but that it would be more effective it was from a man's perspective. Because lets be real, I can definitely improve in a few of these areas. 

Any thoughts of mine are in italics. You know, like this.

It's sometimes easy for your husband or man to get caught up with family, work, church, responsibilities, etc. It's important every now and then to empower him to be the man you knew when you married him.

It's easy for a man to become "de-manitized" by dealing with crying wives, coming home to pink and princesses, or weekends at dance recitals and Target, instead of doing whatever "real men" are supposed to do.  The following are a few ways to help empower your man and still let him feel like he is "da man."

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A straight razor shave: There is no better feeling for your face than a straight razor shave, period. If your man hasn't had one yet, he needs to. And if he has, he knows what I'm talking about. These can be expensive and take time, and they are unpractical for normal life. But let him get pampered like a real man. and let him sit back, relax and enjoy a perfectly crafted shave by a professional. You'll be amazed at how relaxed and carefree your man will be afterwards.
I get pedicures and waxing a few times a year, a straight razor shave is his man-spa time.


 
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 A nice suit: One of my favorite quotes from Deion "Prime Time" Sanders is, "If you look good, you feel good. If you feel good, you play good."  Men live in the business world more than they sleep, or more than they are at home with their family. It's important to play the part, not only by your job skills, but by showing competence in the way you look.  I'm not saying go out and buy a $2,000 suit, but every man needs one well-fitted dark colored suit for any occasion. Make sure it's a well fitting suit, not a generic sized suit. but one custom tailored for him, instead of one size fits most. Suits outlast any other article of clothing in his wardrobe, and they can be dressed up or dressed down. Its worth it.
This is true. Dean found a good deal on a couple of slim fitting modern suits a few months ago. He raved about them and how glad he was that he bought them. And I could tell when he was wearing it, he felt more confident. And he looked gooood.



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Send him on a man-cation: Men worry about responsibilities all the time. Job, family, kids, ballets, soccer practices, etc. 24/7/365. There's a constant stress and pressure to be "the man" and figure everything out for your family, and that's a big weight and responsibility that only your man can understand. It's important to let your husband's inner immature, selfish, adolescent, irresponsible, carefree, inner-animal out of his cage.  its important to let him out once a year.  I'm not saying giving him the kitchen pass every year, but allowing your husband to go on a man-cation with the boys to go hunting, fishing, an athletic event, or whatever middle aged men do to feel young again.  To hit the reset button on life and enjoy minimal responsibility.
When I have done this, its was really good. Its good for him to miss us, you know? I feel like he comes back recommitted to me, and our little family, and is happy to start the grind again.
 



Get him some nice cologne: This goes along with the nice suit, but if your man is still wearing Curve or Acqua di Gio, its definitely time for an update. Your man is unique and his style and scent should match that uniqueness. Obviously smelling bad is socially unacceptable, but smelling like everyone else can be just as bad. Splurge for Christmas, Father's Day or birthday for a nice scent that can set your man apart from the rest.
Dean's fave: D&G the One, Yves Saint Laurent, Vince Camuto.


 
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Go all out to support his team: I am a huge college football fan (WPS), but I don't get to enjoy it like I used to, when I was single without a family. Most men like at least one major sport, and it's important to let your man feel like you support him. Give him one day a year where he can act like a crazy, tailgating, yell at the tv, jump off the couch if his team wins, or sit on the couch and sulk if they lose, fan. Let the boys come over, make some appetizers, fire up the bbq grill, let him dress in all his teams gear, pretend that you love it, and let him have his fan-day.
When I have done this in the past, complete with logo gear on me and the kids, I can tell it is appreciated.  As in a solo trip to Target in return. Score!!



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 Encourage him to participate in a competition, even if its potentially dangerous: All men are  competitive, either with other people or themselves. Men need to find their edge, wherever that is. For some men its climbing Mt Everest, to others its finishing a half maration. Wherever his edge is, its important he knows youre okay with him responsibly pushing it. Men feel a sense of accomplishment by overcoming obstacles that were previously thought were impossible for them conquer.  Encourage your man to compete in a half marathon or obstacle race, triathalon, or even to get up early and play basketball once a week.  Its important for your man to know that even if you don't understand it, you do support it, and you are grateful they still have a competitiveness alive in them. The cofidence gained from finishing a marathon or going something outside their normal comfort zone will translate to into his every day life.
My competitiveness is about as far from sports-related as possible, so this isn't my thing. But I am proud of him when he finishes a race. The girls and I like to cheer for him at the finish line. And I can tell it really does something for him mentally/emotionally as well.

What helps empower your man?

PS If you want to read more marriage tips, you should check out my post about surviving the 7 year itch. 


2 comments:

  1. Just found this post today. And I love it! Thanks to you, and the hubby, for the reminders and the insight that sometimes guys just need to be guys. I'm sure my husband gets tired of the day-to-day worrying, working, kids bath times, ect. I love all of these ideas! P.s. "Any thoughts of mine are in italics. you know, like this." Bahaha! Love that too, haha!

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    1. Haha, yeah this post gets a bit buried. :) I thought it was nice of him to offer to write it, and it is a good reminder to me to think of him and what he needs, more than I usually do. Have you ever read http://www.meginprogress.com/ ? She's a friend of a friend, and is a fantastic writer. She talks a lot about marriage and appreciating our good spouses. Its good stuff for me to read and remember!

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