I've been blogging here for 2 months now. I am actually amazed that things are going as well as they are. Thanks to a share on my favorite parenting expert's FB page on this post, my readership has grown from my supportive friends and family, to thousands and thousands of people. My heart is full, just thinking about the thousands of children that will be getting a little extra love from their parents because of my little post. I work two days a week at an urgent care clinic as a receptionist, and spend a lot of my 12 hour shifts observing families while they're waiting to see the doctor. My heart just breaks for the children that I see getting yelled at, or called names, or ignored. My eyes literally well up with tears thinking about a handful of painful encounters I remember observing.
I feel, in some small way, that I'm helping those kids. And that feels so good. Its hard to articulate just how much it means to me.
In the last two months, I've jumped into the blogging world with both feet. I'm posting as often as I can, trying to network and figure out blog etiquette, and how to best handle the social media stuff, googling technical terms. Putting myself out there. I've been added to a few blogging groups that have been both helpful and a bit overwhelming. I've followed and then un-followed dozens of people and blogs. Its so hard to find people that are real. So much of the blogging world is just plain superficial. Its about whats trendy, and having perfect homes, cute outfits, getting invited to events, getting free swag and doing tv spots. And frankly, I feel worse about myself after I visit blogs like that or see their pics on Instagram.
I feel inadequate. Insignificant. And I know that I shouldn't. But its hard to shove those feelings away.
I have to frequently remind myself that its not a competition. Its not my blog vs their blog. Its not me vs them. Its just me vs myself. Either I'm a better version of myself or I'm a worse version of myself. I don't need to compare my stats to their stats. I just need to compare my stats from the beginning to my stats now to see where I'm at, and where I'm going. It takes a constant effort for me. And its not just with blogging, its every day life. Its hard to be constantly surrounded by social media, hearing and seeing so many things that could make me feel jealous or inadequate. I find myself repeating a few mantras in my head to silence those nagging thoughts, my favorite being:
I've grown so much, as a person. As a parent. As a spouse. I've got a lot to be thankful for. A lot to be proud of. No one can take that away from me. Unless I let them. So I won't!
I am so happy with my success here. Proud of it. Thankful for it. I love the positive feedback and interaction from you. I hope this blog will always be a positive and helpful place. I honestly just want to help make life easier for moms (well, everyone really), because there are plenty of voices out there that want us to make life more complicated. Telling us to have cuter houses, cuter outfits, cuter kids, cuter meals, cuter parties, cuter crafts, cuter decorations and on and on. My mindset for evaluating what to post is "What would be helpful?" Helpful might not be enough to take me to the really big leagues, but if I'm making life a little easier for my friends, that's good enough for me.