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Positive Parenting Tip – The Power of “At Least…”

Being able to keep a healthy perspective is not a talent that comes naturally to me. I have a sliiight tendency to overreact. I relied on my mom when I was younger (ok, still do sometimes) to give me a “pep talk” when things were rough, or I was stressed, worried, or intimidated. She always did a good job of helping me calm down and focus on what was important, and put the rest out of my mind.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve tried to rely less on others to help me keep perspective and be rational. I fear my oldest daughter has inherited my “freak out” tendency, and frequently melts down when things don’t go her way. Not in a spoiled way, but just in a “I can’t handle it” way. I’m trying to model how to be calm and levelheaded, to help her see there is a healthier and happier way to live. Its been good for both of us.

When things go wrong, I try to take a deep breath and find an “At least…”

“At least…”

“At least…” reminds you that it could always be worse.
“At least…” reminds you that there is always something to be grateful for.

For example:

I’m in the middle of church when my toddler decides to have a full blown meltdown, causing me to have to take her out into the hall. And she screams all the way to the door. And everyone is watching. Its so frustrating and embarrassing when kids misbehave at church.

Can you think of an “At least…”?

“At least I didn’t trip on the way out.”
“At least she didn’t yell any bad words.”
“At least it didn’t happen during a prayer.”
“At least we made it to church today.”

How about another: I’m vomiting my guts out with a stomach flu, and have been for hours. I want to just lay on the bathroom floor and sob and moan about how miserable I feel. Puking is the worst.

“At least its not vomiting AND diarrhea.”
“At least I’ll probably sleep well when this is all over.”
“At least its me puking, and I know how to keep it in the toilet. If it was my kid that was sick, it would be all over the house.”
“At least I don’t usually feel this way, and the worst is probably over.”

Or my friend posts a picture of her brand new luxury car on Instagram. Instead of sinking into jealousy and self-pity, I remind myself that:

“At least our cars are paid off.”
“At least I almost have a down payment saved up for a new car.”
“At least I don’t have the same car that I had in college.”

One more: Its 5:45pm and I haven’t made dinner, done any dishes, laundry, or showered for the day. I feel like I haven’t accomplished a single thing all stinking day.

“At least the kids are still alive.”
“At least I can try again tomorrow.”
“At least cereal is fortified with vitamins.”

Flat tire? At least it didn’t happen while I was going 80mph. Spilled a carton of orange juice on the floor? At least…. hmm. I don’t know anything worse than a carton of orange juice on the floor… Ok, at least it wasn’t a carton of OJ and a bag of powdered sugar. Or at least it wasn’t 2 minutes before I had to go out the door to work.

It almost becomes a game. When things aren’t going the way we want, we can stop ourselves from really melting down. And we can model it for our kids as well, and help them stop themselves from melting down. Or at least help them find a bit of perspective after they meltdown. Being able to help kids find their own silver linings in their struggles and disappointments is a powerful skill.

Because there is always something to be grateful for.

For more of my best positive parenting tips, check out:
How to Fix your Child’s Attitude
How to Fix Picky Eaters
How to Encourage Kids to Read

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Brooke

Sunday 31st of August 2014

I seem to be in the minority in this… but I actually don't like this approach. Just because your situation (or your child's) could be worse, doesn't mean the feelings of frustration, sadness, or anger aren't real. By responding "at least…" you're essentially invalidating those feelings versus acknowledging them (a key step! Emotions should not be ignored/buried) and dealing with them. "At least" can often leave you feeling guilty for having certain thoughts/feelings in the first place. Counter productive.

Anonymous

Friday 14th of March 2014

Thank you for this post - I will be trying this come the next meltdown/overreaction which I'm sure will come along before the end of the day - hopefully my daughter will come on board as well - Thank you - April, NS Canada

Angie Lawson

Thursday 27th of February 2014

Kylie, thank you SO much for this post. I'm a mom with 8 kids and I definitely have a melting point. You can only be patient for so long. This is such a great and helpful idea, and I'm trying it today!!

Dawnski

Thursday 16th of January 2014

First time reading your blog- how have i missed it?? Perfect timing is all I can say! Sitting in the middle of laundry and a dirty house, not showered and realizing that Lindseys homework was due today, but is lost.... At least I am not having company over, at least by 8:30 Ill have that long luxurious shower I've been dreaming of all day and at least her teacher is probably so overwhelmed with children that she didnt notice one homework packet missing...:) You rock and Ill be back on here often so keep writing girl!!!

[email protected]

Tuesday 21st of January 2014

I should remember that one, "At least company isn't coming over." That one will come in handy! Glad you found my lil ol blog. :)

Erica {let why lead}

Wednesday 15th of January 2014

I ALWAYS need the reminder that there is always an "at least." Thanks, girl.

Also, a few of these (throwing up AND diarrhea! cereal fortified with vitamins!) really made me laugh. :)

[email protected]

Wednesday 15th of January 2014

If you find an "at least" that makes you laugh AND feel better about life? Double score! ;)

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